Late Night Thoughts

Howl At The Moon

in

jump out into the water and feel alive

howl at the moon

don’t wear makeup and feel beautiful 

wear pants instead of a dress

be loud when everyone else is

be quiet when everyone else is

(don’t feel the need to be opposite all of the time)

dance with that boy just because you feel like it, it doesn’t have to mean something

 —another thing i wrote in june

An Unblocking

in

and i wrote and wrote and wrote.
with the rain coming down, pattering on the fire escape and ac unit outside my window.
i had all these thoughts. thoughts i hadn't given space, allowance or room to be expressed.
and now they were rushing, bursting, running, spilling out.
raining thoughts. thoughts of rain.
my borrowed turned stolen tea grew cold as my fingers flew across the keyboard(s).

Who Are They?

in

so often when we think of “them” and “they” we’re really just talking about one person.
what will they think, i can’t do this because of them.
why is it that the opinion of one is masked as that of many in our minds?
is it so that we can justify our fears and insecurities?
that the fear of what a mass of people will think of us is more valid and understandable than the fear of just one?

why do we allow that sort of fear to hinder us to the point of changing our make-up, our being, our natural tendencies, idiosyncrasies and this-is-me’s?

why do we allow the thoughts we have of them distract us from telling our story? 
from sharing our journeys?

for why else have we gone through those trials and errors and high times and low times and accomplishments and setbacks... if not to share them? 

Practice Courage

in

practice courage.

just because it’s been sung before doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sing it. 
just because it’s been written before doesn’t mean you shouldn’t write it.
just because it’s been painted before doesn’t mean you shouldn’t paint it.

because maybe, just maybe, you singing, writing or painting it will be what needs to happen for that one person to hear, read or see it.
to finally actually all-the-way grasp that lesson, that revelation, that idea, that has been put out there before by so many others. 
but you, you putting it out there in the form of your story, your journey, your perspective, is maybe what they need to finally get it.

don’t let the fear and limitation of “it’s been done before” stop you from doing it.

the fact that you have a desire to do it in the first place means something. 
 

You Don’t Tell The Ocean To Behave

in

being emotional is not a bad thing, it's what we do with those emotions that has potential for disaster.
i have been told countless times that i feel too deeply, too intensely.
that i am irrational. crazy. ridiculous. sensitive.
that i over share and am overly vulnerable.
i'm too much of any one emotion or feeling.

i will warrant that i have been all of those things at certain times, when i've reacted poorly to my emotions.
but to say that every time i feel something deeply is abnormal and something that should be suppressed-denied-retstrained... that's not right.
god created me as this being who has these emotions inside of her.
sometimes one at a time.
sometimes all at once. 
and that's a beautiful thing. 
i think a lot more of us were created to be that way than the world allows for, or than we let on.

we should not suppress-deny-restrain that.
because girl or boy: we are emotional creatures.

the following words are from Eve Ensler's TED Talk and I find them so profoundly moving.
my friend also wrote a post about this with some very wonderful thoughts that i encourage you to read as well.
//

I love being a girl.

I can feel what you’re feeling

as you’re feeling it inside

the feeling

before.

I am an emotional creature.

Things do not come to me

as intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas.

They pulse through my organs and legs

and burn up my ears.

I know when your girlfriend’s really pissed off

even though she appears to give you what

you want.

I know when a storm is coming.

I can feel the invisible stirrings in the air.

I can tell you he won’t call back.

It’s a vibe I share.

I am an emotional creature.

I love that I do not take things lightly.

Everything is intense to me.

The way I walk in the street.

The way my mother wakes me up.

The way I hear bad news.

The way it’s unbearable when I lose.

I am an emotional creature.

I am connected to everything and everyone.

I was born like that.

Don’t you dare say all negative that it’s a

teenage thing

or it’s only only because I’m a girl.

These feelings make me better.

They make me ready.

They make me present.

They make me strong.

I am an emotional creature.

There is a particular way of knowing.

It’s like the older women somehow forgot.

I rejoice that it’s still in my body.

I know when the coconut’s about to fall.

I know that we’ve pushed the earth too far.

I know my father isn’t coming back.

That no one’s prepared for the fire.

I know that lipstick means

more than show.

I know that boys feel super-insecure

and so-called terrorists are made, not born.

I know that one kiss can take

away all my decision-making ability

and sometimes, you know, it should.

This is not extreme.

It’s a girl thing.

What we would all be

if the big door inside us flew open.

Don’t tell me not to cry.

To calm it down

Not to be so extreme

To be reasonable.

I am an emotional creature.

It’s how the earth got made.

How the wind continues to pollinate.

You don’t tell the Atlantic ocean

to behave.

I am an emotional creature.

Why would you want to shut me down

or turn me off?

I am your remaining memory.

I am connecting you to your source.

Nothing’s been diluted.

Nothing’s leaked out.

I can take you back.

I love that I can feel the inside

of the feelings in you,

even if it stops my life

even if it hurts too much

or takes me off track

even if it breaks my heart.

It makes me responsible.

I am an emotional

I am an emotional, devotional,

incandotional, creature.

And I love, hear me,

I love love love

being a girl.

Where You Came From

in

we stood there in the kitchen, the kitchen of a house whose interior resembled that of a boat's.
(in which case it would be more accurate to say we were in the galley.) 
toasting to the knuckles, not the glass, because that's how sailors do it.
and with time worn eyes he looked at me and said:

"i'll never forget, i was worried about something one day and my mother said to me: 'well... never forget who you are and where you came from.'"

such simple and straightforward words. 
and yet, they were words i knew i would hold onto for some time to come. 
words that would center me, when i was feeling uncentered.
as we are all apt to feel from time to time.